Forty-0ne years ago today I started to work for San Bernardino County. I spent the first four years with the Department of Public Social Services. In '84 I went to work with the Public Guardian/Public Administrator's office, where I spent the next 25 years for a total of 29 years, four months, four days and four hours (approximately). I laugh that I figured that out, but it is pretty much accurate. It was a career I guess. Now, going on twelve years in retirement, (I did retire young they say), I look back and still wonder if I did the right thing. I stayed even when many times I wanted desperately to leave. It was a good job overall, and very interesting at times. I dealt with people's lives and estates, trying to help those who couldn't help themselves or those who had no one else to wrap up their affairs. I worked with some wonderful folks and we are still friends. And of course there were some things I never got used to, like office politics and such, but overall, it was a choice I made to stay. That all said, and after all this time, I still look back and wonder, "What if?" What if I had pursued my real dreams? What if I had more confidence in myself, believed in my talents and abilities and really lived the life I dreamed of? As I kid and even into high school and college, I always thought I wanted to be one (or all) of the following: teacher, writer, artist, bon-vivant. And over the years I have dabbled in all of them. And here I am, still second guessing myself. For criminy sake. So here I am. I earned a comfortable retirement. Its the security I thought I needed to obtain. At what price? In the end, though, I am content. I am doing fine. And here I am getting back to writing again and working toward other artistic interests. As usual, life is a series of starts and sputters. Here I am, starting again. The second guessing is more of a musing these days. Thank goodness it is not paralyzing any more! But like the poem by Robert Frost, it came to many a fork in the road...but I, I tended to take the road well travelled, which, of course, has made all the difference. The Road Not Taken by Robert Frost
Two roads diverged in a yellow wood, And sorry I could not travel both And be one traveler, long I stood And looked down one as far as I could To where it bent in the undergrowth; Then took the other, as just as fair, And having perhaps the better claim, Because it was grassy and wanted wear; Though as for that the passing there Had worn them really about the same, And both that morning equally lay In leaves no step had trodden black. Oh, I kept the first for another day! Yet knowing how way leads on to way, I doubted if I should ever come back. I shall be telling this with a sigh Somewhere ages and ages hence: Two roads diverged in a wood, and I-- I took the one less traveled by, And that has made all the difference.
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2/3/2021 0 Comments A Little Bird Told MeNature can be amazing. I was parking my car at my friend's house when this little guy landed on my rearview mirror. He hopped to the door and peered in through the window. He flew to the windshield and then back to this perch. He was looking directly at me and my little dog in my lap. He didn't seem a bit afraid. Sometimes nature sends you a sign. Everything in gonna be okay. I had been listening to NPR news. They were reporting on the political controversy that rages on in Washington DC and beyond. I was feeling rather discouraged. So many problems in the world right now and we don't seem to rally ourselves together to rise to the occasion. There are signs that things might get better. I know I keep looking. And there he was, this little emissary from nature. Everything's gonna be okay. Really. We just need to look for, and believe, the signs when they are sent our way. You don't have to do a big celebration of this important Day of the Groundhog, but it is important to observe this unofficial holiday. Why? Because Ground Hog's Day gives us some sort of hope. Whether the varmint sees his shadow or not, the outcome gives us some sort of feeling of certainty about the future. If he sees his shadow, six more weeks of winter. If he doesn't see his shadow, spring supposedly will arrive early. Fun fact: on the calendar, the official arrival of spring is six weeks away. Whether the little guy sees his shadow or not, it offers a reason to celebrate. Short though it may be, our attention goes to Punxsutawney and we are offered some peek into the future. Isn't that something we as humans yearn for? Don't we all want to know what the future holds? Isn't that why we go to fortune-tellers and listen to prognosticators? In the end, we really can't know what the future holds. And in reality, how many of us even remember the prediction of the shadow of the ground hog in mid March? But it's fun. And for a moment we think we know what lies ahead. If I have learned anything in recent years, the future is not ours to see, let alone control. As sang Doris Day, Que sera sera. By the time you read this, it will have been revealed that Phil indeed saw his shadow in the early morning snows of Pennsylvania. So if we remember, in six weeks we can check to see if winter ends on its official date, or came early. In the end, life will go on, and we will not know any more about what the future holds. But it human nature, and probably mentally healthy, to imagine the future because what we do today, how we act, what we accept, will indeed affect and effect the future. This is why it is important to celebrate Ground Hog's Day every year whether we believe or not! For a different take on Ground Hog's Day, here's a link to info about the movie. Also fun and in its way, thought provoking. Ground Hog's Day: The Movie 2/1/2021 2 Comments My Socially Distanced Muse Oh, Muse, where have you been? You seen to have gone away for such a very long time. I last wrote here in September. I have thought about it oh so many times. But I just shied away from those qwerki thoughts and musings. In and out they came. Easy to ignore. Some stay a while amounting in little of substance. Some just evaporate immediately. I could blame it on the state of the world. I could cite isolation and stay at home orders. I could ascribe it to health challenges. Many reasons, more excuses. It just didn't seem like the time to muse or share or whatever it takes to tap these keys to put down those thoughts and musings. I think about ways to re-ignite my inner inspiration. Just do it seems to be a mantra I hear, but it hasn't been enough to chant a mantra to entice my Muse to return. My Muse, it seems, has been socially distancing. No matter how I implored it to return, it remains away. I think the muse was overwhelmed by 2020. But it is a the beginning of another month. The first of February. 2021. Not too late to pick up anew. Not necessarily where I left off. Maybe transform it. Maybe just open myself to the universe and see where it takes me. The Muse has been socially distancing more than necessary. It's time to for us to don our masks, stay safe and begin again. Or perhaps the Muse prefers to zoom? I could handle that. Do you happen to know it's zoom contact info? 9/10/2020 0 Comments A Remote ChanceWith this thing in the palm of my hand I can tune into satellites, my TV, DVDs and even AUX, which I assume means Auxilliary items whichI have no clue what those are. I can control the universe...at least my little portion of it, at least I can pretend I do. There's that one little red button turns the system on. The other red one , the TV itself. There is menu for settings and images control. There is the Guide Button to reveal the thousands and thousands of choices from hundreds and hundreds of analog and digital stations that provide viewing choices galore from the CBS Evening News to Golden Girls reruns to documentaries on everything from Aardvarks to Zoology. I can instantly hit the Recall button to return to the previously watched station and to remind myself what I was watching just a bit ago before I go intrigued by Nova or Home & Garden TV. With the DVR I can watch all the programs I have recorded to watch some other time and usually have already lost interest in, or watched live and forgotten. If I choose, I can play a PIP, (Picture in Picture), to watch one program while waiting for something interesting to happen on another. If I were inclined, I could track baseball, football, basketball, golf, hockey and ping pong quite easily. That device in my hand has the magical ability to help me find something that will entertain and delight me. Maybe it will show me the thrill of victory, the agony of defeat. Perhaps I will just watch the latest episode of Days of Our Lives to find out who came back from the dead this week. The choices seem endless. And yet I wonder how is it those channels can offer so many temptatations and not one of them I am in the mood for? So I guess when I hold this remote, I feel I am in control of something that will transport me to another realm, a different reality, as Rod Serling said at the beginning of The Twilight Zone each week: "It is a dimension as vast as space and as timeless as infinity. It is the middle ground between light and shadow, between science and superstition, and it lies between the pit of man's fears and the summit of his knowledge. This is the dimension of imagination. It is an area which we call The Twilight Zone". To quell boredom or satisfy the need to be entertained. In the end, though, even I know, the chances are, indeed, remote. |
Rob McMurray,
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